I had a great breakfast with my dear friend whom I adore and am so attracted to. I often wonder why we don't date as we have such chemistry. He is so protective of me and I am extremely nurturing to him. Today during his scarfing down pancakes and my picking at my spinach omelet, he says something to me that hits a chord. He says "I know you don't need a man and that your not ever going to marry again". Bingo, we are not listening to each other. I was so floored by his statement and totally left speechless. How did he get that from our 25 conversations a day? Yes I feel that I don't want to ever be hurt again like I have been in the past. I am so scared to let someone in, I am spooked. I don't want to feel the rejection anymore. I was so rejected by both marriages and I don't believe I can ever go through that again. However, I want so badly to have a man to spend the rest of my life with that will love me, honor me, take care of me emotionally and be intimate with me. I want to love someone with my whole heart, honor him, love him, cook for him, dance with him, and take him to the doctor when he gets sick and older. I want that more than anything other than my kids being safe and extremely happy. I want a marriage if I can have an equal one. I don't want to be the only participant. I want to share my children and my future grandchildren with someone worthy. I want to have those monogram sheets on my bed. I just don't want the heartbreak that goes with it. If my heart has to get broken or I have to go through another divorce, I'm not interested. I want someone for better or worse til death do us part.
